Post by occultus on Jun 28, 2005 3:35:15 GMT
By Occultus
~Dramatis Personnae~
THE FORCE
God (The Light side)
Satan (The Dark side)
THE POLITICIANS
George W. Bush (Darth Sidious/Palpatine)
President Clinton (Supreme Chancellor Valorum)
Padme (Former Afghani Queen)
THE JEDI
The Dalai Lama (Yoda)
Nelson Mandela (Mace Windu)
Anakin Skywalker (Little Arab boy who ends up working for the CIA)
Obi-Wan Kenobi (CIA agent)
Qui-Gon Jinn (One of the Dalai Lama's priests)
THE SEPARATISTS
Sadaam Hussein (Count Dooku)
Osama Bin Laden (General Greivous)
Al Zarqawi (Darth Maul)
The Taliban (Trade Federation)
Al Libbi (Trade Federation Viceroy)
Korean President Kim Jong-Il (Separatist leader)
~~~~~~~~~~
A short while ago in a galaxy not so far away...
EXT. SKY
EARTH WARS
EPISODE I
THE PHANTOM MENACE
Earth is in turmoil. The UN has put a tax on trade routes and the greedy Taliban has blockaded the nation of Afghanistan.
Yes there will be sword-fighting action.
While the US senate debates this alarming chain of events, President Clinton has secretly dispatched two CIA agents, the warriors of the Freedom, to settle this dispute....
PAN DOWN
A UN peacekeeper vehicle --a Ford Mustang-- approaches the Taliban blockade of former Soviet tanks and dusty buildings.
INT. FORD MUSTANG, DAY
QUI-GON JINN: Seargent, signal the Taliban that we wish to park immediately.
SEARGENT: Yes, sir.
(He signals the blockade)
(On the car's computer screen overhead, the face of a bearded Arab man appears. It is AL LIBBI, Viceroy of the Taliban)
AL LIBBI: Yes of course. As you know our blockade is perfectly legal and we would be happy to recieve the ambassadors.
(The car parks under the shade of a tank, a number of Taliban warriors look out of the tank at it)
INT. TALIBAN BUILDING, DAY
(QUI-GON and OBI-WAN KENOBI are escorted by a veiled Afghani woman to the conference room)
INT. TALIBAN CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
OBI-WAN: I've got a bad feeling about this.
QUI-GON: I don't sense anything.
OBI-WAN: It's not about the mission, Master, it's something elewhere... elusive.
QUI-GON: Don't center on your anxiety Obi-Wan. Keep your mind here and now where it belongs.
OBI-WAN: But the Dalai Lama said I should be mindful of the future.
QUI-GON: But not at the expense of the present. Be mindful of the living God, young Padawan.
OBI-WAN: Yes Master. So how do you think the Taliban viceroy will deal with the President's demands?
QUI-GON: These Taliban types are cowards. The negotiations will be short.
INT. TALIBAN TANK, DAY
(AL LIBBI and his aide stand, stunned, before the veiled Afghani woman who esorted the CIA agents.)
AL LIBBI: (shaken) What!? What did you say?
WOMAN: The ambassadors are CIA agents, I believe.
AIDE: I knew it! They were sent to force a settlement, eh? Allah, we're done for!
AL LIBBI: Stay calm. I'll wager the Senate isn't aware of the President's motives here. Go. Distract them untill I can contact Lord Sidious.
AIDE: Are you brain dead? I'm not going in there with two CIA agents! Send the woman.
(The aide turns to the veiled woman, who lets out a sigh.)
INT. TALIBAN CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
OBI-WAN: Is it their nature to make us wait this long?
(The door to the conference room opens, and the veiled woman slides in with food and drink.)
QUI-GON: No. I sense an unusual amount of fear for something as trivial as this dispute.
(OBI-WAN takes a drink.)
INT. TALIBAN TANK, DAY
(AL LIBBI and the aide are before the hologram of DARTH SIDIOUS, a robed figure whose face is obscured by a hood.)
AIDE: This scheme of yours has failed, Lord Sidious. The blockade is finished! We dare not go against the CIA.
SIDIOUS: Viceroy!
(A nervous AL LIBBI steps forward.)
AL LIBBI: Yes, my Lord?
SIDIOUS: I don't want this stunted slime in my sight again. Do you understand?
AL LIBBI: Yes, my Lord.
(AL LIBBI gives the aide a fierce look, and the aide, terrified, rushes out of the tank.)
SIDIOUS: This turn of events is unfortunate. We must accelerate our plans. Viceroy, begin deploying your troops.
AL LIBBI: Ah, my Lord, is that... legal?
SIDIOUS: I will make it legal.
AL LIBBI: And, the agents?
SIDIOUS: The President should never have brought them into this. Kill them, immediately.
AL LIBBI: Ye..Yes, my Lord. As you wish.
INT. FORD MUSTANG, DAY
(In the forward seats of the car, the Seargent and the driver look up to see a side gun on one of the tanks swivel around and point directly at them.)
DRIVER: Seargent!? Look!
SEARGENT: No! Warn...
EXT. TALIBAN TANK, DAY
(The turrent fires. The car explodes.)
INT. TALIBAN CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
(QUI-GON and OBI-WAN leap up to a standing position with their lightsabers drawn. The veiled woman jumps back, startled, spilling the drinks tray.)
WOMAN: Don't hurt me!
(QUI-GON and OBI-WAN deactivate their lightsabers and listen intently. A faint hissing sound can be heard through the pipes above them.)
QUI-GON, OBI-WAN: Weapons of Mass Destruction!
(QUI-GON and OBI-WAN each take a deep breath and hold it. The random canaries in a cage by the door fall dead.)
INT. TALIBAN CONFERENCE BUILDING, DAY
(A hologram of AL LIBBI, surrounded by masked TALIBAN WARRIORS, appears in the conference room hallway.)
AL LIBBI: They must be dead by now. Destroy what's left of them.
(The hologram fades off, as one of the TALIBAN WARRIORS cautiously opens the door. A deadly geen cloud of chlorine gas billows from the room. The TALIBAN WARRIORS cock their AK-47 rifles as a figure stumbles out of the smoke. It is the veiled Afghani woman, protected by the fabric of her clothing.)
WOMAN: Oh, excuse me, so sorry.
(The woman passes the TALIBAN WARRIORS just as two lightsabers are drawn out of the smoke.)
TALIBAN WARRIOR: Uh oh. Blast them!
(The TALIBAN WARRIORS fire. The lightsabers deflect the incoming bullets, guided by the hand of God. The deflected bullets cut down some of the warriors as others are killed by QUI-GON and OBI-WAN, weilding their lightsabers.)
INT. TALIBAN TANK, DAY
To be continued...
~Dramatis Personnae~
THE FORCE
God (The Light side)
Satan (The Dark side)
THE POLITICIANS
George W. Bush (Darth Sidious/Palpatine)
President Clinton (Supreme Chancellor Valorum)
Padme (Former Afghani Queen)
THE JEDI
The Dalai Lama (Yoda)
Nelson Mandela (Mace Windu)
Anakin Skywalker (Little Arab boy who ends up working for the CIA)
Obi-Wan Kenobi (CIA agent)
Qui-Gon Jinn (One of the Dalai Lama's priests)
THE SEPARATISTS
Sadaam Hussein (Count Dooku)
Osama Bin Laden (General Greivous)
Al Zarqawi (Darth Maul)
The Taliban (Trade Federation)
Al Libbi (Trade Federation Viceroy)
Korean President Kim Jong-Il (Separatist leader)
~~~~~~~~~~
A short while ago in a galaxy not so far away...
EXT. SKY
EARTH WARS
EPISODE I
THE PHANTOM MENACE
Earth is in turmoil. The UN has put a tax on trade routes and the greedy Taliban has blockaded the nation of Afghanistan.
Yes there will be sword-fighting action.
While the US senate debates this alarming chain of events, President Clinton has secretly dispatched two CIA agents, the warriors of the Freedom, to settle this dispute....
PAN DOWN
A UN peacekeeper vehicle --a Ford Mustang-- approaches the Taliban blockade of former Soviet tanks and dusty buildings.
INT. FORD MUSTANG, DAY
QUI-GON JINN: Seargent, signal the Taliban that we wish to park immediately.
SEARGENT: Yes, sir.
(He signals the blockade)
(On the car's computer screen overhead, the face of a bearded Arab man appears. It is AL LIBBI, Viceroy of the Taliban)
AL LIBBI: Yes of course. As you know our blockade is perfectly legal and we would be happy to recieve the ambassadors.
(The car parks under the shade of a tank, a number of Taliban warriors look out of the tank at it)
INT. TALIBAN BUILDING, DAY
(QUI-GON and OBI-WAN KENOBI are escorted by a veiled Afghani woman to the conference room)
INT. TALIBAN CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
OBI-WAN: I've got a bad feeling about this.
QUI-GON: I don't sense anything.
OBI-WAN: It's not about the mission, Master, it's something elewhere... elusive.
QUI-GON: Don't center on your anxiety Obi-Wan. Keep your mind here and now where it belongs.
OBI-WAN: But the Dalai Lama said I should be mindful of the future.
QUI-GON: But not at the expense of the present. Be mindful of the living God, young Padawan.
OBI-WAN: Yes Master. So how do you think the Taliban viceroy will deal with the President's demands?
QUI-GON: These Taliban types are cowards. The negotiations will be short.
INT. TALIBAN TANK, DAY
(AL LIBBI and his aide stand, stunned, before the veiled Afghani woman who esorted the CIA agents.)
AL LIBBI: (shaken) What!? What did you say?
WOMAN: The ambassadors are CIA agents, I believe.
AIDE: I knew it! They were sent to force a settlement, eh? Allah, we're done for!
AL LIBBI: Stay calm. I'll wager the Senate isn't aware of the President's motives here. Go. Distract them untill I can contact Lord Sidious.
AIDE: Are you brain dead? I'm not going in there with two CIA agents! Send the woman.
(The aide turns to the veiled woman, who lets out a sigh.)
INT. TALIBAN CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
OBI-WAN: Is it their nature to make us wait this long?
(The door to the conference room opens, and the veiled woman slides in with food and drink.)
QUI-GON: No. I sense an unusual amount of fear for something as trivial as this dispute.
(OBI-WAN takes a drink.)
INT. TALIBAN TANK, DAY
(AL LIBBI and the aide are before the hologram of DARTH SIDIOUS, a robed figure whose face is obscured by a hood.)
AIDE: This scheme of yours has failed, Lord Sidious. The blockade is finished! We dare not go against the CIA.
SIDIOUS: Viceroy!
(A nervous AL LIBBI steps forward.)
AL LIBBI: Yes, my Lord?
SIDIOUS: I don't want this stunted slime in my sight again. Do you understand?
AL LIBBI: Yes, my Lord.
(AL LIBBI gives the aide a fierce look, and the aide, terrified, rushes out of the tank.)
SIDIOUS: This turn of events is unfortunate. We must accelerate our plans. Viceroy, begin deploying your troops.
AL LIBBI: Ah, my Lord, is that... legal?
SIDIOUS: I will make it legal.
AL LIBBI: And, the agents?
SIDIOUS: The President should never have brought them into this. Kill them, immediately.
AL LIBBI: Ye..Yes, my Lord. As you wish.
INT. FORD MUSTANG, DAY
(In the forward seats of the car, the Seargent and the driver look up to see a side gun on one of the tanks swivel around and point directly at them.)
DRIVER: Seargent!? Look!
SEARGENT: No! Warn...
EXT. TALIBAN TANK, DAY
(The turrent fires. The car explodes.)
INT. TALIBAN CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
(QUI-GON and OBI-WAN leap up to a standing position with their lightsabers drawn. The veiled woman jumps back, startled, spilling the drinks tray.)
WOMAN: Don't hurt me!
(QUI-GON and OBI-WAN deactivate their lightsabers and listen intently. A faint hissing sound can be heard through the pipes above them.)
QUI-GON, OBI-WAN: Weapons of Mass Destruction!
(QUI-GON and OBI-WAN each take a deep breath and hold it. The random canaries in a cage by the door fall dead.)
INT. TALIBAN CONFERENCE BUILDING, DAY
(A hologram of AL LIBBI, surrounded by masked TALIBAN WARRIORS, appears in the conference room hallway.)
AL LIBBI: They must be dead by now. Destroy what's left of them.
(The hologram fades off, as one of the TALIBAN WARRIORS cautiously opens the door. A deadly geen cloud of chlorine gas billows from the room. The TALIBAN WARRIORS cock their AK-47 rifles as a figure stumbles out of the smoke. It is the veiled Afghani woman, protected by the fabric of her clothing.)
WOMAN: Oh, excuse me, so sorry.
(The woman passes the TALIBAN WARRIORS just as two lightsabers are drawn out of the smoke.)
TALIBAN WARRIOR: Uh oh. Blast them!
(The TALIBAN WARRIORS fire. The lightsabers deflect the incoming bullets, guided by the hand of God. The deflected bullets cut down some of the warriors as others are killed by QUI-GON and OBI-WAN, weilding their lightsabers.)
INT. TALIBAN TANK, DAY
To be continued...