Renthous Vacvar
Full Member
You cannot kill what you did not create
Posts: 2,796
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Post by Renthous Vacvar on Sept 21, 2005 2:02:14 GMT
The link's here for those who haven't read it thestarwars.proboards53.com/index.cgi?board=hhru&action=display&thread=1127166471I'm creating this poll to get feedback from you folks. I want to know what I'm doing good and what I need to work on. If you vote, please post what you voted for and why, and what you think I should do to make the rest better. It is almost done, but I'm making this now to finish the thread as best as possible |
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Halan
Global Moderator 
Purple Haze
A good assassin needs neither the dark or the light....he needs skill (Was Mandalore)
Posts: 11,843
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Post by Halan on Sept 21, 2005 2:03:47 GMT
Very nice derek
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Renthous Vacvar
Full Member
You cannot kill what you did not create
Posts: 2,796
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Post by Renthous Vacvar on Sept 21, 2005 2:05:53 GMT
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Post by Veran on Sept 21, 2005 2:08:56 GMT
Realy, realy, REALY nice lol.
I love short stories and I sure as hell loved yours ;D
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The Madet Legacy
Global Moderator
Jedi Master
(Bo)...The Madet Legacy Lives on...Forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, & ever
Posts: 7,908
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Post by The Madet Legacy on Sept 21, 2005 2:10:09 GMT
Your Dialouge could use some work, but other than that, it's awesome, man.
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Renthous Vacvar
Full Member
You cannot kill what you did not create
Posts: 2,796
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Post by Renthous Vacvar on Sept 21, 2005 2:11:34 GMT
thanks, Ranka and Bo and yeah, my english teacher told me my dialgue sucked today in class when I handed in my first assignment for the class.  |
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The Madet Legacy
Global Moderator
Jedi Master
(Bo)...The Madet Legacy Lives on...Forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, & ever
Posts: 7,908
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Post by The Madet Legacy on Sept 21, 2005 2:21:45 GMT
Here's a tip. Don't think of any fancy ways to say crap. Like if you want a character to say "How's the kids?", have him/her say "How's the Kids", unless Their personality makes them say if fancy.
In that case, have them say "How are the Children?". Okay?
Try to include the character's personality and background into their dialouge and actions. Trust me, all of the stories I write for English class get Extra credit because of the way I incorporate the Character's personality and history into their actions and dialouge.
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Renthous Vacvar
Full Member
You cannot kill what you did not create
Posts: 2,796
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Post by Renthous Vacvar on Sept 21, 2005 2:23:04 GMT
thanks for the tip  |
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The Madet Legacy
Global Moderator
Jedi Master
(Bo)...The Madet Legacy Lives on...Forever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, and ever, & ever
Posts: 7,908
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Post by The Madet Legacy on Sept 21, 2005 2:25:35 GMT
No problem, man. Give me a situation for Toxis, his personality, history, and some kind of dialouge or action to respond to, and I'll show you what I as a writer would do.
Remember, Just because I'm a Mod, doesn't mean I ain't your friend, guys. If you need help with or want some feedback on a post, feel free to ask me.
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Pele
Full Member
Posts: 2,136
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Post by Pele on Sept 21, 2005 22:56:50 GMT
its good
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Renthous Vacvar
Full Member
You cannot kill what you did not create
Posts: 2,796
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Post by Renthous Vacvar on Sept 21, 2005 23:07:15 GMT
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Post by Shara on Sept 22, 2005 1:47:23 GMT
Very nice. I'm rather enjoying it. ;D
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Renthous Vacvar
Full Member
You cannot kill what you did not create
Posts: 2,796
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Post by Renthous Vacvar on Sept 22, 2005 1:52:04 GMT
Very nice. I'm rather enjoying it. ;D ;D |
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Lakkerun Joh'had
Global Moderator
Defender of the Innocent
Formerly Duncan
Posts: 2,272
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Post by Lakkerun Joh'had on Sept 22, 2005 2:13:50 GMT
So-so, the level above average. I think.. is so-so higher than above average?  |
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Post by Kravin O Prime on Sept 22, 2005 2:58:30 GMT
Meh, its pretty good and i liked how you described the character and its enviment, (i think)
Well, i rated u a "good", sinse its better than before....... ;D
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